Saturday, September 19, 2009

It's a Balancing Act

Sometimes, I feel like I'm on a tightrope. If I lean a little too far one way, I'm sure to find myself dangling, barely hanging on, until I can regain my balance and stand up straight again. Regretfully, the balancing act is here to stay, and I find myself keeling over one side then the other as I try to balance out my life. Work and home. Family time and me time.

I have never been able to go to work at the scheduled time and leave when the work day is over. Oh, how I want to... how I envy those who are packed up and ready to leave when the last students walk out of the building. Yet I simply cannot do it. Instead, I find myself working late every day and even later on some days than others. The janitor knows me well, as I've often left just as he's getting ready to turn on the alarm system. Three and a half hours after our "official" work day has ended.

So, that's where I've been lately. Either at work or at home doing work it seems. And althoughI had so much fun blogging and visiting during the summer, I knew it would have to end, or at least slow down, when school started.

I was so right.

During the school year, I become so wrapped up in teaching that I have little time for anything else. Cooking? Walking? Out of the question. Just late nights grading or creating or just getting ready for the next few days. There's also more running around with Hannah now that school's back in session. And homework that creeps on hour after hour.

On January 1, I'm claiming Peggy's word, "balance," as my very own. I'm in great need of balance right now. Always have been really.

"Balance" has not been an adjective for how I live my life.

So, here I am squeezing in a little time here to say hello and let you know that I've missed visiting all of you and having you visit me. And even though I have plenty to do right now...

I'm going to hit publish and then spend a little time in your company. That's what I need right now. A little company... at least before I climb back onto that tightrope of mine.


Candace said...

Balance is something I dearly need to work on as well Roban. I always take on too much or expect too much from myself and it leaves me totally drained. When I was teaching I ALWAYS left late as well. I never could understand how so many teachers can leave right at the bell; there is just way too much to do! In the year before I became pregnant with Laurel I was teaching, coaching competition cheerleading, going to school to get my masters degree, and I was in charge of the primary program at my church. My husband says I have to learn I cannot do it all and how to say no (something I am not good at!). I thought when I became a stay-at-home mom it would get better, but if anything it is worse. I try to be the "perfect" mom and wife and it is just impossible! No matter how many stories I read to Laurel, how many songs we sing, how many educational and fun things we go to do, I feel like it is never enough. And then there is the endless housework...I feel like I am fighting against the current all the time. Well anyway, I totally understand where you are coming from! I feel better, hope you do too after your posting! :)

McMGrad89 said...

I am so glad you have taken a moment to visit me today. I am not the best at grading papers, but I have begun packing healthy lunches and trying to cook at least 4 times a week. Who would have "thunk."

Best wishes in your search for balance.

Rita @ Goodwill Haunting said...

Thanks for stopping by! Balance is so fleeting ... "me" time is so important ... sometimes we need to be like those who leave when the bell rings just to keep our sanity ... I too was always the last one to leave, until one day I left work for the last time ... funny, but I was the last one to leave on that day, too!

Mummy McTavish said...

My dad was that sort of teacher... I know that his students appreciated it. I know because they hear my maiden name and say "hey.. are you related to Mr X the Maths (or Chemistry or whatever) teacher? He was a great teacher" These people were students of his from before I was even in school and they remember him still. Thanks for being so dedicated, I know that you'll never teach my kids but it's nice to know that you are making a difference to some kids somewhere!

AmpersandPrime said...

Oh, it's so nice to hear from you. I too have been working on balance of late. It is so challenging.

Your students are SO blessed to have such a dedicated teacher. I hope you can find a way to get the me time you need and I thank you for sharing some of it with us.

I've got to get somewhere in nature with my camera soon: that is my most essential form of me time.

Take care!

miruspeg said...

Balance is just soooo darn hard Roban. We all want harmony in our lives and walking a tightrope is so stressful.
We have to be aware that as we swing back and forth it is choices all the time, not balance.

I think your words Joy and Faith are perfect words for you to reflect on. You are a very dedicated teacher so instead of beating yourself up about it, be proud that you inspire and guide these young adults.

You wrote these words back in April and I believe they are poignant for you to read again.

"To have faith means I can worry less. To worry less opens a window between my soul and the joy that surrounds me. I won’t say that I am now leading a worry-free life. No. I still worry. But I do know that needless worrying is using up more of my energy and crowding out the joy of life. So choosing to walk in faith and embrace the joy that is given to me is something I am learning to do… one step at a time".

One step at a time!! When you do find time to walk, cook or blog be joyful, be in the moment.

Last but not least be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself. Allow yourself to fail at not attaining balance. Stick with Joy and Faith they are such powerful words!

Well that is my two cents worth!
Keep smiling....keep shining.

beth said...

I can't even imagine that tightrope of yours....if I worked full time outside of my house, there is no way that blogging could be what it is to me right now....

you take care of you....since you're number one....oh yes you are....and your family comes next....

that's the beginning of always works for me.....especially when I feel like I'm's me that has to be fixed first !!!

thinking of you....

Silver said...

i'd missed you, Roban.

I wish you lightness and a calm zen week ahead..;)


Barefoot from Heaven said...

Hi there Robin. You've got the most strong name I've ever heard. I love it. Thanks for leaving a message on my blog about finding balance on the tightrope. Yes I do think these feelings are going around on this globe. Aren't we all alike? That's what I love about blogging, seeing and hearing we all have the same issues in life. That's the real connection.

But you have to get yourself a new set of brakes here Roban. Don't work to hard, take time for a rest and just is to beautiful short and precious to only put time into work (even if you love to do it).
Be well. Dagmar

Monica said...

I don't get to blog these days either. But I have been knocking out classes for school and recently began learning Spanish. Un pico. Glad you are focusing on balance. So important and in my case it means no blogging, at least not right now.

charrette said...

I have the same plight. Balance sort of goes out the window once school starts again. But I'm trying....